We don’t have to marry the wrong person

 

High: I’m almost done with college applications!!!

Low: I still have to come to school

The notion that we will inevitably end up marrying the “wrong” person is a pretty pessimistic view and, at least to me, it seems Heraclitus wrote that New York Times article to share his views on the world. No thanks, I don’t need another thing to potentially worry about. Honestly though, this perspective just suggests that we’re all doomed to navigate flawed relationships that lead to disappointment and regret because we fail to acknowledge problems early in our relationships. Orrrr people could just be mature. But really this viewpoint undermines the true potential for growth and fulfillment within relationships, framing marriage as a somewhat failure rather than a work in progress. Now, will our marriages be perfect? No. Butttt, saying that we married the “wrong” person is just a bit too much. We will probably work it out with them.

In contrast, it’s beneficial to adopt a perspective like the one Democritus held. While his viewpoint isn’t a very idealistic one, it’s definitely better than Heraclitus. If people just self-reflect, marriage doesn’t necessarily have to be a series of potential missteps. It can be a balance of everything because it’s low key harmful to go out into the world with the assumption that you’ll have to marry the “wrong” person. At the end of the day, we’ll probably be fine.

But going against my own point, human nature is inherently complex and so we are both Heraclitus and Democritus. On one hand, we do grapple with chaotic emotions that makes us think that we’re probably better off by ourselves. On the other, we are capable of being rational and can self-reflect while allows us to learn from past experiences with and relationships. This duality is just the reality of being human. Although, my point is that I’d much rather know about bad possibilities yet not assume that’s what I’m “destined” for because life will probably work out.